BillsFunnyStuff.xyz

12/31/2025 11:30am Eastern time USA
by Bill Purkins

The following is a TRUE story...

I was on the USPS Website early this morning trying to Create-a-Label using their Click-n-Ship feature(s).

It was going along well until I got a pop-up message obscuring the address of my package destination, which rattled me, spilling my coffee and interrupting my focus, and I accidentally wound up having to start the label entry all over, losing my work.

This happened twice until I got the hang of it.

Eventually, I succumbed to their eagerness to find out my answer to the following:

USPS: "We’re always looking for ways to improve your experience on USPS.com®. Please take a few moments to let us know how we’re doing. If you need assistance, please see the USPS® Help page.

What type of feedback are you leaving today? Please select the answer that is most relevant.*"

I selected: "Website Feedback"

USPS: "Overall, how satisfied were you with your recent experience on USPS.com?*"

I selected: "7 out of 10"

USPS: "Please tell us the reason for your score:"

I answered:

"You keep interrupting me to rate my experience. If you did it at the end AFTER I HAD the experience, it would likely be a 10, but it's early in the morning and I'm half awake and you're irritating me. HOW can I tell you how my experience was BEFORE I experience the experience? That would be like true time travel, in which case why can't you deliver my package YESTERDAY?"

USPS: "May we contact you about participating in research to help us improve USPS websites? Answering "Yes" does not guarantee that USPS will contact you.*"

I selected: "Yes."

I doubt they'll contact me nor include me in their study.

*** END OF TRUE STORY ***

THE FOLLOWING IS SATIRE. BULLSHIT IF YOU WILL, BUT SPIRITED IN HUMOR.

Postal POST Script Neither rain, nor snow nor Internet speed shall matter one rats ass in whether or not my label will get created until I... oh, quit my bitching, they do a good job, their website just sucks because it was probably outsourced to the Postmaster General's brother in law who has an associates degree in business management minoring in pointing his finger at a computer screen while he lectures to a roomful of Offshore phD Software Engineers with additional Masters Degrees in English as a Teenth Language, making 12 cents a day each while Bro'NLaw is kickin' it in the Caribbean on the 400 mill he laundered through a Panamanian hat shop that rented dumpster space behind a Taco Stand in Ecuador....

FOR THE SUPPOSED RECORD:

The software for the USPS website was not developed by a single person but by various internal development teams and external contractors/service providers over time. The U.S. Postal Service manages its information technology software solutions through internal processes and uses a mix of custom-developed, open-source, and commercial off-the-shelf (COTS) products. Key points regarding the development: Internal Teams: The USPS has its own IT department and developers responsible for creating and maintaining specific systems and applications, such as the Web End-of-Run (WebEOR) system for mail volume data and internal portals like the LEADing Together portal. Contractors and Partners: The USPS works with various business partners and contractors to develop and implement technology solutions. Examples include using NVIDIA's AI technology for package tracking and migrating some systems to Linux environments with the help of companies like IBM. Third-Party Software: The USPS also utilizes software from third-party vendors for specific functions, such as working with Endicia for shipping software solutions. The PAVE program also evaluates presort software created by various companies for the mailing industry. API Development: The USPS provides various APIs (Application Programming Interfaces) for developers to integrate services like address verification, tracking, and pricing into their own applications. These APIs are developed and maintained to specific standards. Due to the complex nature and scope of the entire usps.com platform, it is a large, continuously evolving system built and maintained by many people and organizations rather than a single author or entity.

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